Amidst the rubble...

Laughing on the couch,

She lightly kisses the haze…

In the arms of strangers,

She dances in circles…

Holding on to the curtains,

She turns around to see the noise,

Just one more time,

Crave for the morning…

Throwing her glass on the wall,

She tip toes around shattered glass,

Jumping across roofs,

Falling in beds…

Woken up by the cannon balls,

Smeared lipstick on the walls,

Shards of glass in her soul,

She lights the cigarette.

Another night of driving around,

Another kiss in the air,

Another knock breaks her trance,

Ashes of a forgotten time…

She rolls under the ivory sheets,

She kisses to the moans…

Amidst the chaos…

Amidst the haze…

Amidst the rubble…

Found and Lost

Another stranger makes his way,

Limping around the border lines.

Insane daybreaks…

Clouds of silence lingering above…

“Do I remember you?

He whispers into her ears.

“You never will”,

And Cassandra smiles.

Misty glasses of more water than whisky,

Entwined like snake skins…

She pushes him to the fire…

Burnt in the misty corridors of the mind…

Memories lost in the Pacific for the night…

A puff of cigarette in the air,

Calling out to her…

And she goes quiet in the nights…

And then he’s gone,

Lost in the haze of the smoke…

And then another night,

And then another cigarette in the air…

Tears of Pandora…

Burning her world inside,

Wet roses on the door…

Alone towards the end…

Stars of a future lost in the past,

Dreams of a day lost in the nights…

Silence of Cassandra lost in the screams,

Promises lost in the Never-to-be…

Long Days… Longer nights

 

Ever felt like changing your skin?

Ever felt like going to a place where there are no memories?

Ever felt like saying nothing for hours?

Ever felt like driving all night in circles?

Ever felt like staring through the stars?

Ever felt like knowing nothing about someone?

Ever felt like lying about yourself?

Ever felt like listening to the same song on loop for hours?

Ever felt like kissing for hours?

Ever felt like sleeping the whole day?

Ever felt like making love without any love?

Ever felt like walking on for miles alone?

Ever felt like killing someone?

Ever felt like being in love?

Ever felt like not thinking?

Ever felt like running naked on the streets?

Ever felt like dying alone?

Broken fragments of nightmares…

Truths of a moment lost in lines…

Staying lost between Truth and Moments…

I do… Everyday!

Lost in the abyss of yesterday…

Scratching lines off her palms…

Looking for a new tomorrow…

I do… Everyday!

Silence of a different kind…

Cassandra calling me out…

Letting the world stay lost…

I do… Everyday!

Holding Cassandra hostage six feet under…

Amidst hollow dreams and hollowed truths…

Sitting in a corner looking at this world silently…

I do… Everyday!

Prophecies smiling at a stranger…

Broken mirrors around me…

Pushing strangers between the lines…

I do… Everyday!

Searching for this moment in a ruble…

Smoke and ashes in equal parts…

Living through chaos…

I do… Everyday!

And Cassandra mocks me…

And I feel too much…

And I say too little…

I do… Everyday!

Into the Shining Sun... Tabula Rasa

Drawing close to the tipping point...
I scramble from one room to another,
Searching for the nearest exit...

As the walls start closing in.

The paint on the walls starts to chip,
The floor wreaking of old blood...

So many versions around me...
Which one do I choose?

I lay myself on a chair nearby.
Looking at my notes of lives gone by...
Reality of the scratched lines...
Another line waiting to be crossed.

The cigarette gives up,

Strings of Floyd in my ears...
Gravity pushing me up,
Happy Place on the horizon.

The exit door gives way...
Towards the happy ending...

The ending I've always wanted...
Not the one being wanted for me.

Living by the road,
Lost in search,
And, Found in the search,
This Irresistible Silence...

Whats anything gotta do with it???

2 weeks before I was about to start work after my post graduation, I visited a friend at his house and told him how much I love to travel. He asked me about the places I have travelled to and my answer was ‘None yet. But I have plans.’ He’s a loud laugher and as you can imagine… he laughed loudly.

3 years, several places in India and in 12 other countries down, the last time I spoke to him, he told me he’s proud of me for the travelling. I hope to meet my friend soon and tell him that what you have done has nothing to do with what you can do.

The single most important value I grew up with has been that when you want something, want it badly enough to not stop until you get it even if it means you die trying. So far, its die trying mode and I hope it wouldn’t be by the time death really does come. I didn’t grow up with a lot of luxuries, didn’t even have a toy to play with growing up but I grew up learning how to fend for myself and to value those luxuries. Life’s too short to be poor. 

I don’t believe that what happens is always meant to happen. I believe what happens is what you consciously do to make things happen. Before everything that happens in life, there is a moment when you decide who you want to be and that determines the choice you make. It may even be a split second but its there. 

I blame my mother for this. Its not always the most convenient life philosophy to be handed over. I didn’t grow up wanting a convenient life, I grew up wanting the life I want. I see no greater reason for doing anything than the desire to want to do it. The desire to do something can override just about everything else. I don't want to have to ever make a choice, I want it all.

Logic often does not define the most adventurous things in life- Skydiving… Bungee jumping…  Cult groups… Marriage…

I don’t have stability. I do have happiness.

I don’t have addictions. I do have too much variety to develop an addiction.

I don’t have a lot of good friends. I do have friends who I can call even at 4am… and they pick up.

I don’t have a car. I do have stories about the people I've met while travelling in public transportation.

I don’t have a house. I do have an exit strategy no matter the place... or person.

I don’t have a liking for self-help books. I do have good taste in music.

I don’t have insurance. I do have the budget for my next travel plan.

Impossibilities of a Moment

With the shadow of a smile,

The moon murmurs its presence.

Gleaming on my window,

While the world around passes me by…

En route to another destination,

While I imagine the one after that…

Anticipation of the void,

Towards yet another everlasting search...

Warmth of the night enveloping me,

As I dream of realities that will never be,

The people I will never meet,

And the destination I will never find…

Lost in a haze I created,

I smile at the moon,

To the honesty on a stranger,

Strangely lost on the loved ones…

Nostalgia of a song shared once,

A moment lost in time,

A belief of belonging,

A belief lost in time…

Impossibilities of a moment,

Relived only in silence…

Relived only in between moments…

Relived only to never be lived again….