Thursday, October 3, 2013

Whats anything gotta do with it???




2 weeks before I was about to start work after my post graduation, I visited a friend at his house and told him how much I love to travel. He asked me about the places I have travelled to and my answer was ‘None yet. But I have plans.’ He’s a loud laugher and as you can imagine… he laughed loudly.

3 years, several places in India and in 12 other countries down, the last time I spoke to him, he told me he’s proud of me for the travelling. I hope to meet my friend soon and tell him that what you have done has nothing to do with what you can do.

The single most important value I grew up with has been that when you want something, want it badly enough to not stop until you get it even if it means you die trying. So far, its die trying mode and I hope it wouldn’t be by the time death really does come. I didn’t grow up with a lot of luxuries, didn’t even have a toy to play with growing up but I grew up learning how to fend for myself and to value those luxuries. Life’s too short to be poor. 

I don’t believe that what happens is always meant to happen. I believe what happens is what you consciously do to make things happen. Before everything that happens in life, there is a moment when you decide who you want to be and that determines the choice you make. It may even be a split second but its there. 

I blame my mother for this. Its not always the most convenient life philosophy to be handed over. I didn’t grow up wanting a convenient life, I grew up wanting the life I want. I see no greater reason for doing anything than the desire to want to do it. The desire to do something can override just about everything else. I don't want to have to ever make a choice, I want it all.

Logic often does not define the most adventurous things in life- Skydiving… Bungee jumping…  Cult groups… Marriage…

I don’t have stability. I do have happiness.
I don’t have addictions. I do have too much variety to develop an addiction.
I don’t have a lot of good friends. I do have friends who I can call even at 4am… and they pick up.
I don’t have a car. I do have stories about the people I've met while travelling in public transportation.
I don’t have a house. I do have an exit strategy no matter the place... or person.
I don’t have a liking for self-help books. I do have good taste in music.
I don’t have insurance. I do have the budget for my next travel plan.

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Impossibilities of a Moment



With the shadow of a smile,
The moon murmurs its presence.
Gleaming on my window,
While the world around passes me by…

En route to another destination,
While I imagine the one after that…
Anticipation of the void,
Towards yet another everlasting search...

Warmth of the night enveloping me,
As I dream of realities that will never be,
The people I will never meet,
And the destination I will never find…

Lost in a haze I created,
I smile at the moon,
To the honesty on a stranger,
Strangely lost on the loved ones…

Nostalgia of a song shared once,
A moment lost in time,
A belief of belonging,
A belief lost in time…

Impossibilities of a moment,
Relived only in silence…
Relived only in between moments…
Relived only to never be lived again….

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Within and Without



She traces the last drop of rain on the window pane,
Till they leave her looking into blank space…
A faint light in the sky… Sounds of the world crawling up on you…
While the curtains dance violently through the mist…

Another story and it will be over,
Love to story… Indifference to character.
Another moment and it will be over,
Easy come… Easy Go.
Another experience and it will be over,
Cat’s nine lives… Magical dreams.

Tired by the noise within,
She makes her way to the noise without…
Looking for the answers within,
Searching through the answers without…

Another milestone and it will be over,
Definitions aplenty…
Another discovery and it will be over,
Epiphanies aplenty…
Another memory and it will be over,
Detachment aplenty…

Hidden behind her veiled indifference…
Along the shores of sanity and insanity…
Directionless to the journey…
Hope within… Reality Without…

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Addiction to Addictions


At the stroke of midnight,
She creeps into my mind…
Drowning me in her words.
 
She tempts me with everything I never wanted,
Teasing me to the verge of a conclusion.
Leaving me hanging by my own words,
Before I can stop her every night.


A voice within tells me to stop.
It tells me of all she could destroy…
Tonight I want to be destroyed.

She comes to me every night,
Tiptoeing but never looking at me.
The longing to consume her,
Consuming me deeper every night.

I seek help to an addiction,
An addiction to addictions,
The need for something elusive,

Moving beyond wrong and right…
Moving on to what makes me feel….
The desire to never be fulfilled... 
Any feeling will do tonight.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Girl with the broken memory


Surrounded by a smoke of opinions...
She blows the last puff in the air...
A faint smile on those lips...

They whisper her secrets everyday...
And yet they continue to stand by her doorway...
She giggles when she sees them fake it...

They gasp at her heels...
And those naked legs well hid...
She smirks everytime they stare...

He stands quietly and encourages them all...
A glass of whisky is all thats on offer...
And they steal a wink...

Of arrogance and hysteria...
Of lies and desires undisturbed...
Of seduction secrets...
Of broken memories and dreams...

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Confessions of a lost survivor...



The thing about being a survivor is that the stories are too graphic to share most of the times. Aristotle put it aptly, "Those who excel in virtue have the best right of all to rebel, but then they are of all men the least inclined to do so".

Goes without saying, I WILL deny all that follows, or maybe some of it.

  • The loss of innocence is when you stop believing in people... Now I believe in the wrong people...
  • Experiences make you stronger... There are no bad experiences...
  • If you haven't traveled alone in life, you are yet to feel the joy that solitude brings...
  • The sense of peace I get in traveling is yet to be rivaled or even matched...
  • The truth is worth risking everything...
  • To a writer, writing is worth risking everything…
  • Context continues to elude most... thats how its rightly done...
  • Money is never important… Take that Friday flight to meet someone even if it leaves you broke…
  • Being consistently broke is exciting… You never have to worry about lending money
  • Nothing beats the excitement that spontaneity brings…
  • Scars are beautiful... they remind one of what they've survived...
  • There are situations where your own family may stand against you... Everyone is fallible...
  • Don't judge people... This will, ofcourse, not stop them from judging you... Deal with it...
  • Believe in the art of moving on
  • Indifference can show you a side of yourself you may grow to dislike… Indifference is your best bet…
  • Learning how to care about the right things and people is an even better bet
  • Games are to be played with people of the same caliber... the rest can be bullied
  • Respect for all people... everyone is fighting their battles
  • Some people are worth fighting battles for, especially with yourself...
  • The worst form of lie is the one we tell ourselves
  • Everybody lies...

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Love note by a non-believer...



The monks laughed in my direction...

Turning to look at the noises,

I could smell the wet roses...

Raindrops kissing my feet as I ran...


Up to the coffee shop,

A wet book in my hand,

I sat down to the brewing cup...

A crooked smile on my lips.


Mornings spent wrapped in the heat,

And the evenings worn off by walks,

As the night started to sneak upon me,

I would look to the moon that you look upon.


The corner lamp shone through the misty window...

Darkness enveloping me in a warm embrace,

Nightmares of unfinished business,

Cuddling amongst insomnia and nightmares...


Between love and lust lies this poet...

On thin lines...

Indifferent to taking sides,

Too curious to make a choice...